I used to be a lot more perfectionistic than I am
today. There is one area where I still
struggle though: my craft, whatever craft that may be. I’ve painted over 650 flower pots but I don’t
have one for myself. I’ve painted Keds
shoes and lampshades and didn’t keep a one for me. I don’t keep them because when I look at
whatever it is I’ve done, all I see are the flaws. It robs my joy and satisfaction in the
project.
I’m getting better though.
I’ve painted lettering (Bible verses, songs, class rules, etc.) in
several places including two places of my own (my bathroom at home and my
office). I’ve even kept one of my own
lace painted platters. My latest project,
a platter, is one I really struggled with, though. It was difficult right from the start. The wood just would not absorb the stain
evenly. I think I stained it about six
or seven times. Once I got the pattern
transferred, I started painting the major lines and found that my brush was too
worn down to give a consistent line.
Being impatient, I didn’t want to wait to order another brush (plus
these silly brushes are $30!) so I pushed through and made it work. But my perfectionistic eye only saw the
inconsistencies. I thought heavily about
throwing it away. It sat for about two
weeks while I thought about it. Because
of all the staining and struggling with the brush, I had already put in a lot
more hours then I normally would have.
So, I decided to continue on in the hopes that the layering of the
strokes would help it.
In the midst of all this, I had a conversation with a
coworker about perfectionism. I
suggested to her that the ability to reflect on our mistakes and learn from
them can be hindered by perfectionism.
In order to learn from mistakes and failures, you must be able to take
off the mask of perfectionism that says to everyone on the outside that I am
unflawed, perfect, or even simply okay.
Perfectionists tend to learn their lessons by being very hard and unforgiving
of themselves. To learn the lessons, you
must have compassion for self; otherwise, you can’t get past the
self-condemnation to see the lesson to be learned.
The platter turned out good.
In fact, it is much better than I anticipated. My perfectionism robbed me of the joy I
usually feel when I paint. In an effort
to learn my lesson better, I decided to put the platter in my office for a few
days until I ship it off to the ones I made it for. I want to look at it and appreciate it for
what it is and learn to not pick it apart for its flaws.
It turned out to be an object lesson … for me. I was discussing perfectionism with someone. Yes, I see the irony here but I also see once
again how a theme has run for a week or more for me and how God uses it to
teach me. Anyway, she struggles with perfectionism
and ideas of not being good enough. I
handed her the platter not telling her I painted it and asked her what she
thought. She looked at it and said it
was beautiful. “Does it have flaws?” I
asked. She looked it at closer, “Well
some of the lines are uneven.” A small
scream sounded in my head. She
continued, “But those lines prove that this is hand painted and not made by
some computer that can vector out any line perfectly. Those lines give it character.” I just looked at her, probably with a
dumbfounded expression. She looked up
and at me and said, “I get it.”
Me too.
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