His Presence is His Present

Written Feb. 4, 2014

Published 2/18/14

Today is a gift.  That is something I have especially learned in the last 3 ½, well nearing on 4, years.  Through Kelsey’s illness, it was sometimes so very difficult not to think about tomorrow.  What would the future look like?  Will she better?  Or worse?  This was especially true before we got the Lyme disease diagnosis.  Uncertainty loomed large.

Somehow, I, the one who likes to plan ahead and set my plans in stone, learned to live more in the moment and leave those uncertainties to God.  This work started early in our marriage because Tim worked in network support.  So many times our plans changed due to last minute support calls.  I think it is one of those times where God started working on me preparing me for the future.  So, with Kelsey’s illness, there rarely seemed to ever be firm plans that weren’t in any way dependent on how she felt.  In retrospect, I see that when I got mired in the uncertainties of the future when I got depressed.  But now I see an interesting irony.  When I focused on the uncertainties of the future, I felt hopeless and lonely.  However, now when I look back at the times when I felt stronger, it was often because I was letting God handle the uncertainties.  It was then that I felt hope.  I was hopeful because if there are uncertainties and I have given them to God then I know that He has plenty of room to work.  Uncertainties provide possibilities.

So I have learned to know what I have today.  Of course, I am human and incredibly fallible and I have had my moments of worry over the last month.  Kelsey is struggling a bit more with fatigue and some other minor symptoms.  Lyme disease doesn’t go away.  It is something that will always be in Kelsey’s and our lives.  And so, as we are actively planning college for her, we are having to keep in mind what she is capable of today and make no assumptions of it being in any different in the future.  It is part of accepting life as it is.

God promises us today.  The future he promises is not tomorrow or the day after; rather it is eternal life with Him in heaven.  Just as He provided manna and quail on a daily basis, He provides daily for me.  I feast with joy in his daily provision.  Because His loving presence is my strength and comfort and protection, I have hope in the uncertainties of life.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

~ ~ Ps. 28:7