The truth is I’ve been a bit blocked in my writing
lately. Perhaps my work schedule is
worrying me more than it should. It is a
bit hard to admit because I’ve never really been worried about it before. I’ve always stood solidly on the ground that
God is in control of my schedule and He will bring to me the people that I need
to see and that need to be seen. If I am
to be truly honest, I have to confess that I am struggling with a touch of
depression. It is something that I have
had periodically for most of my life.
That is probably adding a bit to my block also.
In the past, if I had a lull in my counseling load, there
usually ended up being a reason.
Sometimes, I needed a break to refresh.
Sometimes, it freed me to go to doctors’ appointments. Sometimes, bad things happened that I needed
time off from work. The cause has always
been fairly evident.
The last few weeks have been light and now this week is
looking bleak. It makes me wonder what
is ahead. But as this continues on, I
have to also admit that Satan and negative thinking are starting to work on
me. Doubts about myself are creeping in
just a little. I step back from those
thoughts and acknowledge that I am no different than I was a month ago. But having those doubts is unsettling.
Is it contradictory to say that I know God is in control of
my schedule after just admitting to having self-doubt? My initial answer is no, it’s not. If there is one thing I’ve learned over the
last few years it is that God is always with me and that He is in control. The “but” to that statement is that I have to
move too. I have to take steps. So, as a responsible counselor, I have to
look at what I am doing as well as how I am doing it and why. It’s a process that easily opens myself up to
self-doubt.
I am reminded of Romans 12:2 which says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your
mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is.” I am reminded of it because it is written on
the wall above my head and I saw it as I sat back thinking about this. That whole thing about writing it on the doorposts as mentioned in Deuteronomy works!
I am also reminded of that verse because we just talked
about it in Bible class Sunday morning.
I liked the analogy that being transformed is much like
metamorphosis. Much like a caterpillar
morphs into a beautiful butterfly, so must my worldly self morph into a holy
self. This process is caused by the
renewing (notice that it is an –ing word) of the mind. You have to renew your mind in order to be
transformed so that you can prove the will of God.
So, the application for me is that I have to diligently fight
the thoughts of self-doubt and the negative thoughts that are more prevalent
when depression is near knowing that this process changes me and brings me
closer to the One I want to emulate.
And, then, when I am near to Him, I will feel his leading and rest in the
plan He has for me.
Love the way God works! This is the same process Mark is going through. Things at work have been very bad the last 2-3 weeks and he is beginning to wonder why all of a sudden. He is the same as he was a month ago. Just when he thinks he is at his end and cannot handle any more....something else happens to show him that he can through the all sufficiency of his Father. However, as he walks through it he just wants to crawl into a hole and run away from all of it. I hope and trust that his walk through this will bring him closer to the one he wants and needs to emulate.
ReplyDeleteI am going to pray that God takes away any doubts you have about your abilities as a counselor! You are awesome! You have made such a difference in my life. I am so thankful. Maybe God just wants you to have more time to spend in the pool this summer! Anyway, praying God sends people who need help your way, and I will too. In the meantime, splash away!
ReplyDeleteMary