Sitting here in the midst of my pity party (party of 1) with
a pup by my side growling and woofing at me to get her dinner (when there is a
houseful of other people who aren’t busy), I strain to make some sort of sense
of what has been going on lately. It’s
overly dramatic to say I feel a bit like Job, especially when blistery, itchy,
yucky bumps (Kelsey said, “they look like a ton of fire ant bites”) started
coming up on my arms, hands, legs, and feet a couple of days ago, but I have to
admit I’m sick of it all. I don’t want
to get into listing all the things because I am trying not to focus too much on
the specifics, plus, not all of it is something I want to be public
knowledge. The short answer is that
there simply is no sense in it all and I am forced to trust God and His greater
plan. So, in lieu of an answer that really
makes me feel better, I’m trying my hardest to reflect on things that are
upbeat, positive, and make me feel good.
I finished up a busy semester of teaching three classes at
DBU. In addition to teaching in the classroom,
I invariably get to know a few of the students through emails or sitting and
chatting after class. I got one of the
coolest comments from one of them this semester. She saw me in the Patriot café on campus and
came over and sat down and said, “I just wanted to tell you that I love our
class and you are in the top three of my favorite professors in college.” It’s stunning to hear that. We talked more and she said that she is
always so shy that she doesn’t like to talk in class but that in my class she
always felt safe to speak. She
attributed it to my being a counselor and knowing how to create a safe
environment for sharing.
At another time, a student came up to me in class during a
test to ask a question about something on the test. I replied, “Well, what do you think?” She said, “Are you doing counseling on me
right now?” I burst out laughing right
there in the middle of the test. It made
my day.
Another favorite comment I received this past year came from
a client. He told my boss, who had seen
him and noted that he was doing better, that “When I started coming to Audra, I
was spiritually and emotionally constipated.
Audra was my bran muffin.”
HAHAHA High praise indeed!!
There is no doubt that it has been a tough year, especially
the last few months. Disappointingly, I
have allowed it to negatively affect my mood and attitude. I have focused more on the negative than on
God’s blessings which are many. I am
blessed with an incredible support system that has not ever even come close to
letting me down. I am blessed with a
husband who loves me like none other, even when I have my meltdowns. I work in a counseling center that is so
great I don’t feel like I’m going to work.
I teach which blesses me in hanging out with the students and keeping my
skills honed. And, I am blessed to write
which helps me process the crud that goes through my mind and always helps me
feel better. And, of course, there are
my kids.
I admit I have a bit of Job’s wife in me. She advised Job to just curse God and
renounce his faith. Be done with
it. I’ll be honest, I have cursed
God. But I refuse to renounce my
faith. So, beyond all other blessings, I
am blessed to have a God who will take it from me, who wants it from me, and
who can look beyond the anger and see the hurt, the pain, the disappointment,
and the frustration……and see my love for Him.
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