Forgiveness - Part 2 of 2

September 14, 2012

Two is Better than One

     As with all walks in life, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual, it is important to have at least one companion who can listen to you, with whom you can reveal your innermost feelings, and who can provide solid, sound, and Biblical guidance.  I was lucky enough to have a few people willing to take the walk with me: people who would love me no matter what, people who could teach me about forgiveness, and people who would just sit and listen or hold me when I cried.  While the task of forgiveness can be done alone, I am not sure that I could have done it without support.  Please do not misunderstand and think that I am discounting the ever-loving and all-knowing presence of God.  Not at all.  Indeed, God realizes the importance of Christian support as evidenced by his urging us to not “give up meeting together” and to “encourage one another” (Heb. 10:25).  Also, Jesus, when dispatching the disciples to spread the gospel, sent them in pairs knowing that they needed the support that each would give.

     On my path, I had recognized that I needed to forgive my grandmother, not so much for her sake, but for my own.  I knew that, in trying to punish her with my unforgiveness, I was only punishing myself more.  And, I truly understood that her judgment was not my task but God’s and that only God could truly judge her heart.

Opening Your Heart

     Prayer is another step on the path to healing.  Pray for yourself.  Pray for the strength and endurance to complete the walk.  Pray for the wisdom necessary to handle the struggles and the obstacles that will surely come your way.  Pray for God to open your heart to true forgiveness.  Then, pray for the one you need to forgive.  Jesus, in his Sermon on the Mount, preached, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 5:44).  At first, it may well feel like a forced prayer spoken begrudgingly.  But, as you continue praying, your heart will begin to soften.  By sincerely praying for someone, you are wishing them the best.  It is contradictory to pray for someone and still wish them harm.

     Another vital step in forgiveness is developing compassionate eyes.  The inherent and implied attitude in unforgiveness is judgmentalism.  In condemning others, it is easy to forget that I am a sinner too.  Sin is sin in God’s eyes – one is not less (or more) offensive than another.  It is man that puts values on sins, as evidenced by our legal system.  So, when we judge others, we are essentially comparing our own sins to theirs.  I don’t want to stack my sins up against anyone else.

     The step from prayer to the actual moment of forgiveness is difficult to describe.  Sometimes, the final step is a result of time, distance, and prayer allowing a slow release of the burden.  Sometimes, that moment of forgiveness comes in a flood of emotion.  Either way, I believe that God’s grace invited through unceasing prayer is the catalyst in the final step.

     It is necessary at this point, after making the choice to forgive, spending time in prayer, and consciously battling judgmentalism, to remember that Satan sees you moving on the right path.  That is always his cue to get busy.  He will put obstacles and temptations in your way.  Things that were once easy may now suddenly become difficult.  Negative thoughts in your head may become more insistent and pervasive in your daily life.  He may spawn a spirit of doubt that will have you think that this task is too big or too painful to accomplish.  I am always mindful of what happened just after Jesus was baptized and God spoke those incredible words, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” (Matt. 3:17). Right after that is when Jesus went into the desert and was tempted by Satan.  If it happened to Jesus, it can certainly happened to us.

     Although I have laid out some steps that are common to most who walk the path to forgiveness, the path is still unique to each individual.  There are different times, different places, different reasons, different prayers, and different struggles for everyone.  Sometimes forgiveness comes in a slow growth to where one day you realize the burden is just a bit lighter than the day before.  Sometimes it comes easily.  Sometimes it is a long, arduous process culminating at a soul-moving moment.

The End of the Walk

     It had been a year or more since I decided to forgive my grandmother.  The burden was too heavy and the wounds far too old.  It was time.  I stepped onto the path.  I prayed for God to open my heart.  I prayed for the strength to do it.  And, I prayed for my grandmother.  And, I began to see her weakness with some compassion.  It was hard.  For so many years, my anger and resentment bolstered my strength.  Letting it go made me feel weak.

     Paul, in 2 Cor. 12:9-10, said, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

     It was at my grandmother’s funeral that I completed my path.  For the observer, it would have appeared that I was overcome with grief.  Instead, I had realized how strong I was through forgiveness.  That day, anger and resentment was replaced with the love of Christ and I never felt stronger.  It was overwhelming.  The relief I felt from releasing the burden was so great that I even felt regret for not forgiving her sooner.  I had wasted so much energy dragging that burden throughout my life.

     I used to so wish that the abuse had never happened to me.  Now I know that it is just a part of who I am.  I am not defined by it.  It is not my entire identity.  I also know now that I would not be the person I am today without this part of me.  God’s plan wasn’t for me to go through all that.  That was Satan’s plan.  I am now at a place of acceptance that is embraced by self-love that is only possible by fully receiving God’s love.  I am a child of God and I am worthy and full of hope.  And, by the grace of God, I am strong!

And now, for your listening enjoyment, one of my current favorites!