I have a thing where I love to kneel in front of Tim while
he is sitting in the recliner and give him a long, long hug. Or, to be more honest, to get a long,
long hug. Ever since Kelsey has been
independently mobile (ie. She could crawl), she gets in the middle of our
hugs. I remember always feeling her
squeezing in between our legs when we would be hugging standing up. Now, since she is taller, she simply adds
onto the hug and group hugs both of us.
Today was no different…at first. The three of us were watching the Rangers win
(Yay!), and on a commercial, I slipped out of my chair to give Tim a hug. In actuality, it was more of a race to get to
Tim because Kelsey has become quite adept at figuring out what I am doing so I
have to hurry to get first position. As
I laid my head on Tim’s shoulder and felt Kelsey wrapped around both of us, I
felt four feet land on my back. Sophie,
our adorable schnauzer, joined the group hug.
It would be easy to think that my point in writing about
this is being thankful for family closeness.
However, it’s not that easy. As I
was second from the bottom of the dog pile hug, I felt claustrophobic. I was reminded that I still have that
struggle. I have wondered in the time
since I figured out my fear of heights (which is incredibly improved now – the
glass elevators on the ship didn’t even phase me!) why it doesn’t also apply to
my claustrophobia. Both have the same
root of loss of control of my body. For
one struggle that revelation was freeing, but for the other struggle, it is
completely ineffectual. What’s up with
that?
It occurred to me tonight, as I was reflecting on it, that I
coped with that moment with a short little prayer to not panic and to know I’m
OK. It was a step closer to God in a
brief but anxious moment. I don’t
believe that God gives me this fear of being trapped to draw me closer to Him,
but the result is certainly the same.
And, I’m glad I am at a point in my faith that a prayer is my first
“go-to.” I’m not bragging, just
acknowledging. I would surely rather be
writing about overcoming this obstacle.
But, for now, I’m content with seeing how it was used for the good.
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