Kelsey: “Why not?”
Audra: “Can’t decide what to write
on.”
Kelsey: “You should write on patience.”
Audra: “I’m not too good at
patience.” (thinking it would be a really
short blog) “What are you impatient for?”
Kelsey: “Everything. For camp to get here. For the cruise to get here. For a diagnosis. For pain medicine. For treatment.”
This conversation happened when I got home from work late Thursday night
around 9:00. I found Kelsey lying in her
bed just listening to music and texting.
She was hurting. I know it sounds
awful to hear this at first because it means she is either in a low place or in
a hurting place, but I’ve come to love finding her in her bed. I crawl in bed beside her, snuggle with her,
and we talk. I never really did this
before she got sick. I tear up at the
thought of how many times I’ve missed doing this before she got sick. I missed opportunities because I took them
for granted. But I am so thankful to have
them now. It’s one of the blessings in
all of this.
I am impatient too. I am impatient
for all the same things Kelsey is. And I
am impatient to hear from God. Don’t get
me wrong, I hear Him often every day. I
feel His leading, I see His good works, I see the things He puts before me, I
hear Him in my head in sometimes just a word and other times a whole idea. But in the area where I most want to hear
Him, in health matters concerning Kelsey and in the dreaded question that often
looms largely over my head and heart (Do we move or not?), I am not hearing
Him. If I somehow got a message from God
that we need to go with this doctor or that, or if I got a sign that we are on
the right track and just need to stay the course, or if I got some insight or a
bit of wisdom that would somehow lead us to a diagnosis, I would feel so much
better!
How long do we have to wait? Psalm
46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Why can’t it say, “Be still for one week and know that I am God.”? How long must we be still? In my counseling, I teach people all the time
that in arguments, it is best to take a break when things get overly emotional,
especially when anger is involved.
Remove yourself from the situation, go away and pray and cool off, and
then come back to hopefully find a resolution when cooler heads prevail. It’s ok to say, “I need to take a walk and
cool off.” It is vitally important,
though, to include what I call the “back end promise” of “I’ll be back in 15
minutes.” With that promise of time, the
other person will know that this conflict will not go unresolved. It won’t be swept under the rug. It won’t be ignored.
I miss the back end promise in Ps. 46:10.
I know that God sees me. I know
that He loves me. I know that He is ever
with me. I understand that that is the
promise. But I am human and I want a
timeframe. And so I wait. Patience feels forced upon me. I have no other choice.
So while I sit and wait and be patient, I take the opportunities given to
me to lay with Kelsey in her small little twin bed. Sometimes, we are discovered by others. Sophie usually bounces all around us looking
for her spot to lay or sit. Or Tim will
try to squeeze in somewhere, which then leaves Aron to lie on top. I’m not kidding. I love those times with Kelsey, not only
because we get closer in them but we usually end up laughing.
Audra: “Kelsey, you have to get up so I can get out. I have to pee.”
Kelsey: “OK.” She starts to get up
and then moves to sit square in the middle of my bladder. Laughing so hard that her laughter is
actually silent, she moves and bounces on me again.
A golden moment while being patient.
No comments:
Post a Comment