For 10-15 years or so, there has been somewhat of a mystery
in my life. There is no way to say this
without sounding like I am bragging but it really is not that. I have noticed in those years that somehow I
got smarter and wiser. I am not just
talking about “well I’ve come into those years where life experience is paying
off.” I am talking about doing so much
better in college than I ever did before in school. Yes, I worked hard at it like I always
have. But I just remember things
better. There were times during tests
when I would get stuck on a question and close my eyes and I could mentally
piece together my notes and see the answer.
I could remember in detail long answers to essay questions. I have had people call me wise because I gave
good advice or was able to see a different perspective than they did. These things are all very different for me.
Also, in my counseling, I get insights that just come to me regarding
my clients, their problems, and what it means for them. I have had good success as an intern with
counseling individuals. People tell me
that they have progressed further in counseling in one year with me than they
have in the previous 20 years. People
tell me that I have taken them further than they thought possible. That isn’t me, I know it isn’t. That is God working in ways that I have never
experienced before.
But why now? Why is
God working this way now in my life?
So often, my Bible study is a topical study that I will
meditate on, talk to people about, research in the Bible. Often times, more than one is going on at a
time. Lately, I have been considering
demons and how they work as well as what I have been discussing above. In my study of demons, I asked a preacher at
my church the question, “How can demons work inside you, oppress (not possess)
you, if you have the Holy Spirit? How
can the Holy Spirit be in the presence of demons?” He mentioned a verse, 1 Thess. 5:19, which
says, “Do not quench the Spirit,” in response to my question. Then before I could talk to him further about
what this means, we were interrupted. So,
what does that mean? How do you “quench”
the Holy Spirit? When I think of
“quench” I think of “douse” like “dousing the fire” and “put out” as well as
“quenching my thirst.” So does that mean
you can have the Holy Spirit but be in such a place spiritually that you are
not allowing it to do its work? “Quench”
does not mean expel. If I quench my
thirst, I am no longer thirsty, but I can certainly get thirsty again.
Then, in my counseling, I was looking at some resources for
working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse when I came across Ps. 51:6,
“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost
place” (NIV) or the NASB puts it, “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost
being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.” In counseling, it is vitally important to
reveal the deepest, innermost being for that is where shame, guilt, and
unforgiveness reside. By shining the
Light on shame and guilt, they tend to go away.
Like secrets, they can grow only in darkness. If you look at the origins of the word
“confess,” you will find that it means “to agree with.” When we confess to God, we are literally
agreeing with God. He already knows
everything we have to say to Him, everything that is in our hearts. The point is that we have to say it, we have
to give it up, we have to expose it to the light. When we do that, He “will make me know
wisdom.”
And there is the tie-in, the connection. When we don’t give God our innermost being,
when we are holding onto stuff that is painful, shameful, and hurting us, that
stuff is ultimately creating a wall between us and God. We are truly keeping the Holy Spirit from
doing His work. But, when we give it all
to God, when we confess the deepest scariest parts of us to God, then the Holy
Spirit is free to work. And, when the
Holy Spirit is free to work, we become wise.
I was sexually abused as a child. I have spent many years healing the
wounds. I think there will always be
some small wounds that need healing. At
this point in my life, though, I am OK with that as I know that I grow each
time it happens. One “biggie” was in
forgiving my grandmother. I think it was
at that point, the point of forgiveness, that I allowed the Holy Spirit’s fire
to be rekindled in me. And, then, He
started working even more.
Well, now the mystery is solved....but only with the help of the Holy Spirit.
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