Being a Tulip

Jan. 30, 2016

Thoughts about creativity and how it relates to vulnerability have been running through my head lately.  These two go hand in hand.  It is impossible to be creative and not be vulnerable.  Being creative is risky.  Sharing a new idea in a meeting or with a group of people is scary stuff!  You are laying out your “new baby” for everyone to see, knowing full well that someone could say, “That baby is ugly.”  If that happens enough, you soon learn to not take the risk; you learn to keep your mouth shut.  Sometimes, it just takes experiencing this one time for you to clam up and not share your ideas ever again.

Claude Monet and Edgar Degas were founders of the Impressionistic style.  But, did you know, that the term was originally an insult to the style?  “You can’t really paint, that’s just your impression of that landscape!”  Monet and Degas and others were told their babies were ugly.  Instead of shrinking away, they kept at it.  They kept painting.  They stayed open even though you know the disapproving sneers had to hurt.  But, by being and remaining open, people began to take a better look and they saw the beauty of their paintings.

Last week, I gave a great friend a dozen dark pink tulips.  They were beautiful in color and had not yet begun to spread their petals.  The next day, the petals opened and revealed a stunning inner beauty.  At the bottom of the cup (tulips look like pretty cups to me), was an unexpected splash of teal.  She said no one really commented on her flowers until the blooms opened in all their glory.  They were pretty before but when they opened up they were incredible!

I am sure there is some Bible verse that goes along with this writing.  But thinking of one at this point seems like proof-texting.  Maybe you had a verse pop in mind as you read this and, if so, put it in the comments.  For me, what I would really like to focus on is two points.  One, we are all tulips.  We each have a stunning inner beauty.  Knowing that it is risky, the choice is yours whether to show it or not.  I hope you do.  Second, when we see someone else’s tulip opening, when we witness that vulnerability, we must treat it gently and tenderly.   Whether you like what you see or not, whether you think it is a good idea or not, the vulnerability is a thing of beauty.

Abundantly Beyond All That We Ask

Jan. 5, 2016

About 4 ½ years ago, we picked out a timid-hearted, cute-as-could-be schnauzer puppy.  We got her for Kelsey and she has truly been a Godsend for Kelsey and our family.  We picked her for Kelsey but, as it turns out, Sophie picked me.  I’ve heard before how dogs pick their people but I never put much stock in it.  Now I now it’s true.  Sophie blatantly prefers me over the rest of the family, even to a point that seems rude (such as Tim will call her up into the chair with him and she will jump into my lap instead).

So, you would think that Sophie’s preference would be to sleep with me too.  Not so.  She sleeps with Kelsey.  She started out sleeping in her kennel (aka her castle, because she is a princess, you know) and she has grown to sleeping on Kelsey’s bed.  She loves it in there.  That is her place, it’s her routine.  In fact, she asks to go to bed.  The kicker comes when Kelsey is gone for the night.  I can’t even coax her into sleeping with me.  She will not come if I call her.  She gets ugly if I pick her up and take her to my room.  She runs out like she is escaping prison.

Kelsey was gone last night so I tried once again to coax Sophie into my room.  What’s not to like in the MASTER bedroom?  There are two people instead of just one to love on her, it’s a Temper-pedic mattress.  For Pete’s sake, I, the preferred one, am in there!  But, no, she would have none of it.  In fact, Sophie made a beeline straight to Kelsey’s room.  I went in there curious to see which bed she chose: the kennel or the bed.  She chose the kennel.

I say all this because as I stood there looking at her in her kennel, I wondered just how often I turn down the Master’s deluxe offerings all the while thinking that I had the best I could get.  Or, how often did I lose a dream I had only to get a better one God had for me?  How often do I stay stuck in my nice, comfortable routine and miss what God is offering?

Once upon a time, I had a crush on someone.  But he didn’t have one on me.  But God had a better dream for me: Tim.  I once dreamed of being an architect.  God had a better calling for me: counseling and teaching.  I had a dream of good health for both of my kids.  That dream has not been realized the last 5 ½ years.  Other dreams have been fulfilled, though.  I dreamed of a strong relationship with Kelsey.  I dreamed of my kids having a close relationship.  I dreamed of strong faith in my kids.

I have to admit, though, if I am to be completely honest, that it can seem like a steep cost to realize these dream which then makes me wonder if God still has something else planned … another greater dream.  I have to say I wonder if I am still in the kennel or am I lying on the Master’s bed.  Is that being ungrateful to wonder, “Is there more?”  Or, is it a pragmatic realization that God can always do better than I can imagine?

This reminds me of Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians.  He spent six verses (Eph. 3:14-19) praying for the Ephesians and for their faith to grow and deepen.  Then, in verses 20-21, he goes beyond asking for his own dreams and says, “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.”

My challenge, my pledge, for the New Year, is to pray this way.  I will ask for what is on my heart, I will be thankful for what I have, I will acknowledge God for who He is, and, in that, I will ask for His dream to be filled rather than mine.

“God is Able” by Hillsong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTSknArjnWM

Holding Hands and Singing

July 26, 2015

Lettia, Sam, Kelsey, and I went to see Matt Redman in concert Sunday night.  I knew it would be a good concert but it exceeded my expectations.  If you get a chance to see him, it’s definitely worth it!  The last song of the night was “10,000 Reasons.”  It’s a song full of memories for me.  It is a favorite song of mine and I just love singing it in church and at camp with the youth group.  Our ladies Bible group also sang it often with Lisa.  It was one of her favorites, too.  She’s been with our Lord and Savior for over a year now. 

I took her once to get her lung drained and she told me afterwards that the nurse who was doing the procedure was humming “10,000 Reasons” while she was prepping her.  Lisa started singing the words with her and the nurse stopped what she was doing and they both just sang the song together.  I remember thinking, “Only Lisa could find a way to make a lung drain a worshipful time.”

So now I can’t seem to make it through the song without tears streaming down my face.  Lisa is all over this song.  She praised God every step of the way in her life.  She praised him through her illness.  And she is praising him now “for 10,000 years and then forevermore.”  At the end of the song at the concert, I looked over at Lettia who, with tears in her eyes, said, “She was here tonight.”  I replied, “Yes she is … just on the other side of the cross.”

It’s a beautiful picture to me to envision the connection we share with those in heaven.  Worship is a spiritual time.  My spirit connects with God.  Those who are in heaven worship God all the time.  So, when we are worshiping, we are holding spiritual hands with those in heaven.  Don’t get me wrong, I still so long to have Lisa here with me but I am comforted in knowing that there are times when we are still holding hands and singing “10,000 Reasons.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwIT8JjddM

Humbly Accepting

April 4, 2015

During this Easter weekend, I have seen so much about the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior.  I’ve read the description of how he died, how grateful people are for the sacrifice, how it is impossible to truly wrap our brains around the gift given, and how we are so unworthy of it.  I’m good with hearing all those things…..except the last one.

Are we unworthy of such a gift, of such love?  If we base worthiness on behavior or on sin-free living, then yes, we are unworthy.  Of course, to compare ourselves to such an impossible standard, we will always come out on the unworthy side.  Are we worthy of such a gift, of such love?  YES!  Because God says so!

Any loving parent would tell you they would readily give their lives for their children.  Why?  Because that is my child and he is worth dying for.  Does God feel any differently?  Of course not!  Do I really need to cite the Bible verses that say so?  We all know them.  But when I hear talk of “I am not worthy” of such a gift, I wonder if those people truly know those words which God spoke with them in mind.  God said we are worth it.  God said it and I believe.  To deny that lessens the gift.  To say that I am unworthy is to put my opinion above God’s. 

This Easter, let’s stop saying that we are unworthy of the sacrifice Jesus made.  I, for one, am happy and beyond thankful to humbly accept a priceless gift.  I accept it because I am worthy.  I am worthy because God says so.

And now, for your listening enjoyment is MercyMe’s newest single “Flawless.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ7EyPTOltw

I Know Where I'm Going

Feb. 15, 2015

Aron was about 7 or 8 years old when he smarted off to Tim at the dinner table one night.  Tim jumped up, grabbed him by the arm to march Aron off to his room.  Aron jerked his arm out of Tim’s hand and defiantly said, “I know where I’m going!”  I vaguely remember thinking, “Ohhhh Lordy….” And I probably chuckled a little inside too.  Today, Tim and I both laugh a lot about this story.

It’s a story that is told often, even at last night’s Valentine’s dinner party.  It’s a story that has come up a lot for me in the last six weeks.  Almost 2 years ago, I sat with two dear ladies and explained to them that I felt God calling me to be President of Christian Counselors of Texas.  I didn't want to do it.  So much so, I cried when telling them about it.  The decision was made and I was installed as President-Elect last February knowing that I would have two years to learn the job of President.  Those two years were reduced to about 10 months when the current President had to resign due to health problems.  Aron’s voice rang through my head, “I know where I’m going!”

Several weeks ago, I felt a different calling from God.  I was to draw a Bible verse for someone who lives in my neighborhood, someone I don’t even know but I knew the verse had meaning to her.  So I drew it.  And then I waited.  It took a couple of weeks before I got up the nerve to give it to her.  I didn't want to look like some weird creeper.  Still trying to figure out some way around God’s command, I called a neighbor who knows this woman better than I do and asked if he would give it to her for me.  He said he would but that she would probably be fine with me coming to her door.  “Just look for her car in the driveway,” he said.  So I thought, “Ok, I’ll walk down there and maybe she won’t be home and I can just leave it with the other neighbor to pass on.”  But, of course, her car was there in the driveway.  Walking down the sidewalk I remember thinking, “Great.  I know where I’m going.”

As with all things “God,” both of these things have worked out.  Stepping up in leadership has been a true growing point for me.  I am working with a fantastic group of people who make my job so much better.  My gift to my neighbor was well received.  Since God was at the helm for that one, I can only assume that it was meaningful for her too.

Just as Aron was a bit defiant that night in his obedience, I too have been a bit defiant yet obedient.  Doing these things were certainly not at the top of my “want to do” list.  But doing these things certainly put God at the top of my list.

As I study this verse more just now, I see that defiant obedience is a far cry from walking humbly with God.  It is time to drop the “defiant” part.  Humble obedience is one more step in my walk.

He Sees, He Knows, He Comforts

Jan. 25, 2015

This morning I went to church by myself.  Kelsey is reacting strongly to the new medication and has been pretty sick the last couple of days.  Even though she is 18 years old, one of us still stays home with her when she isn’t feeling up to going to church.  It isn’t that she can’t be by herself.  We just know how much Kelsey likes to go to church and it seems cold and heartless for both of us to walk out the door essentially saying by our leaving, “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!”  For us to leave and go where she really wants to go but yet she can’t, just seems cruel.  Honestly, I’ve never talked to her about this and I doubt she would really feel that way or receive it that way but it is how I feel in that moment.

Going to church by myself has always been difficult.  I’m certainly not alone once I get there.  But somehow my family going to church together serves as sort of a litmus test of how we are doing.  If we all go, all things are well in the world.  If one of us is missing, there is an empty space that is felt.  And, if just one of us goes, well, it’s a difficult time.  As I was driving to church, I was thinking, “I’d give anything to take this illness from Kelsey.”  Then my counselor training kicked in and I thought, “Really?  Anything?”  You have to test the extreme and exaggerating words.  My answer was, “No, not anything.  I wouldn’t give up my soul.”  Trading my long-termed soul for a short-termed illness makes no sense.  This life is short compared to eternity.

In church, I was emotional because my litmus test was failing.  But, just as God would have it (because I don’t believe in coincidences), Russ preached exactly what I needed to hear this morning.  The sermon text was Luke 9:57-10:3.  In part of it, he talked about how we have to love God more than anyone and anything.  He said, “I can’t imagine my life without my son.  But I know I can’t survive without God.”  God has to be first.  We have to make decisions based on knowing we have an eternal life to think about and not just this short life on earth.

As I cried my way through church, I began to realize the different emotions I was having.  The first, of course, being what I’ve already discussed.  But I also realized I was feeling comfort.  I was feeling the comfort of being in God’s ever-loving, ever-present arms.  I know He sees me and my family.  I know He knows my pain.  And He knows just how to comfort me.  El Roi (“The God who sees”) remains my favorite name for God.

Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover

Dec. 31, 2014

This past Monday Kelsey and I traveled to Houston for a second opinion doctor’s appointment.  Of course, at just that time, there was a massive fire in an abandoned building just four buildings down from the doctor’s office.  Yes, that part of town was a bit dicey.  We managed to detour around it and come around from the other direction to get to the appointment just 15 minutes late.  As I was sitting in the waiting room, I had an uneasy feeling because, well, I should just say the waiting room fit in with that part of town.  I kept telling myself, “Don’t judge a book by its cover” over and over again.

After meeting the doctor for just 3-4 minutes, Kelsey had already decided she loved her.  By the time we left an hour later, I cautiously liked her too.  I am skeptical of most doctors now until they really prove themselves to me.

As I was driving today, I was thinking about this appointment and how it is generally good advice to “not judge a book by its cover.”  And then, I was reminded of the book I am currently reading: “Vanishing Grace” by Philip Yancey.  It is largely about how non-Christians see Christians in a harsh light because of judgmental and intolerant attitudes.  In other words, they see little grace from those who have received it in abundance.  It occurred to me that we Christians are the cover to the Bible.  We are the first impression of the Bible to those “uncommitted and post-Christian people,” as Yancey calls them.

It begs questions such as “Do my actions echo my beliefs?”  “Does my attitude reveal the Word of God held within me?”  “Do I reflect the image of Christ?”  “Does the Good News look good in me?”  It saddens to me know that so many, an overwhelming majority, have a negative view of Christians.  They miss the message of the Bible because they don’t get past the cover.  The more I think about this today, the more I am convinced that my Bible isn’t covered with nice soft goatskin leather and a sewn binding.  It is covered by every Christian and bound with love for our Almighty Father.  I think that is true for every Bible.