Not a Coincidence

September 12, 2013

“The Message” satellite radio station often has sound bites that are catchy phrases about the Christian faith.  As I was driving to work this morning, I heard one that stuck with me because it was associated with something I had talked about last night.  It said, “The Christian faith isn’t about being good enough.  It’s about trusting the One who makes you good enough.”

In my experience, the vast majority of problems come from two sources: lack of forgiveness of self or others and not fully grasping the concept of identity in Christ.  The latter affects self-worth.  Robert McGee in his book, “The Search for Significance,” explains that people often fall into the performance trap.  That trap is best illustrated as a mathematical equation:

My performance + other’s opinions = self-worth

When a person lives according to this formula, they are not living according to what God thinks of them.  Helping people understand that God unconditionally loves them and wholly accepts them just as they are is a large part of my job.  When it happens, when they really get it, growth is exponential.  It is so cool to see the transformation!

When I got to the office, I was a few minutes early for a meeting.  Usually when I have a few extra minutes, I will waste it doing something on the internet or pull out a book and read a few pages.  Today, I uncharacteristically just pulled out my Bible and decided to read something from it.  My first thought was to go to Eph. 3:20-21 because it is one of my current favorite passages.  But I thought, “I have a few minutes so I will read the whole chapter and put it in context.”  When I got to verses 14-19, it opened up to me.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.”

Wow!  There is so much packed into this prayer!  I can’t possibly unpack it all here but two things stand out today.  First, Paul’s prayer is for the Ephesians to really GET identity in Christ.  Secondly, it talks about how we are “strengthened with power through His Spirit.”

These two points are impactful for me today not because they are new to me.  Rather, they stand out because of the timing which some would call coincidence but I call “God-incidence.”  I don’t believe in coincidences.  The first point of identity in Christ is timely because of the sound bite I heard on the radio which stuck with me because I had just had a conversation with Tim about it the night before.  The second point about the Holy Spirit ties directly to what our Bible study group talked about last night.

In other words, last night I studied with my Bible study group about the role of the Holy Spirit and how it energizes us and gives us strength.  Then late last night, Tim and I had a conversation about self-worth and identity in Christ.  Then, I heard the “good enough” sound bite on the radio this morning.  Then, I unusually pulled out my Bible to pass a few minutes and happened to read a passage that reinforces all of that.  Yeah, it’s just a coincidence.

Strong Enough

September 5, 2013

It’s not too often that I feel slow on the uptake but tonight is definitely one of those times.  Let me back up a little first.

This morning I was blessed to sleep in just a little and then swim.  I always set the stereo system to Christian music on Pandora and put it on the patio speakers so I have that as background music while I swim.  Just as I turned it on a song started and the opening lyric caught my attention.

“You must
You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through”

My first thought was, “I’ve said that before.”  During Kelsey’s illness I said it more than once to God and honestly, it was usually with a sarcastic tone.  Yes, my sarcasm even shows up in my conversations with God.  (Yes, I hear your gasps!  Oh, that’s sarcastic too.)  I’ve even told it to others as some form of encouragement.  I feel ashamed of that now because it is so lame!  The sarcasm would come out in my conversations with God about it because if this is what I get for being strong, then I want to be incredibly weak.  I don’t want to be strong

My second thought was, “No!  God doesn’t think we are strong.  He knows He is strong.”  Then I got busy thinking about that and skimming the pool of the suicidal wasps.  I didn’t hear the rest of the song.  But I thought about it during my swim time and off and on during the rest of my day.  So, I sat down tonight to figure out who sang it and listen to the rest of the song.  It is “Strong Enough” by Matthew West.  Of course, the rest of the song was the same conclusion I drew.  Hence, feeling like I’m slow on the uptake today.  It’s as if I haven’t heard Phil. 4:13 a bazillion times already.  That’s ok though because I’d rather have the Aha! moment.  It’s more fun and the lesson tends to stick with me better this way.

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
~ Phil. 4:13

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knuHDPbE5es

In His Steps

Aug. 13, 2013

Two weeks ago, my husband (Tim) and son went on Trek with the church high school and college group.  I’m always excited for them on these trips because I know they both love hiking the mountains in Colorado and it is always a great faith builder for them.  My prayer for them this year was that the mountain would be so challenging that they would have to know that they could only do it with God’s help.  Of course, I prayed for their safety too.

When they returned to base camp, I got a call from Tim and he told me he had come back with a story that he came up with that he wanted to tell me and the kids.  If you know Tim, that is an unusual comment from him.

To top that off, he not only told us the story, he wrote it down.  Here is it is. 

I was really scared to backpack down the mountain due to my back. I had injured my back a few years ago and had physical therapy for bulging discs in my lower back. For the most part, I am good and just need to keep my core body strong to keep the spine stabilized. On this trip, though, I had a very difficult time hiking down from summit with only a day pack. It seemed going downhill was jarring my back quite a bit on this trip causing me quite a bit of pain.

When we started hiking down from high camp with full packs I somehow started out right behind the guide in the very front. As I tried to keep up with the guide I stumbled a few times but then I realized I could try walking in his steps which should be solid since he was carrying a heavier load and had much more experience than me.

I started stepping in his exact steps and was doing great. It was easier on my back.  I was having no issues. I was moving fast and staying with the guide. We were moving much faster than the rest of the group and had to wait a couple of times for the group. It seemed so easy. I did stumble a few times but with the guide so close it was easy to get back into step with him. He also gave me instruction to just look for solid ground and to trust my steps and just move. With this instruction, keeping him close and walking in his footsteps, I continued to feel strong and confident.

As we continued down the mountain I stayed strong and confident. As others followed behind I

felt confident in my steps and was comfortable in leading as long as I was following in the guide's footsteps.

All of a sudden things changed. Due to some fallen trees we had to get off the trail. When I got back on the trail I was not behind the guide any longer. I had lost sight of him. I really wanted to be back in the lead walking behind the guide. That is where I felt strong and confident. As we continued, I was doing OK by remembering his instruction, "Look for solid ground to step on and just move; trust your step."  As I hiked, though, I seemed to start stumbling more. I would remember his instruction and do better for a little bit but I continued to get more timid and stumble more as I went down the mountain with no sight of the guide. The guide seemed so far away and I did not pursue working my way back to him.  I seemed to be getting content just where I was. It seemed easier to just keep the same pace even though I was struggling. I was going to have to work harder to get back close behind the guide and I was having difficulty mentally thinking I was capable of doing so.

I decided to watch the person in front of me in order to learn from their steps hoping to avoid loose rocks. Between the help of the person in front of me and the guides instructions, I did OK again for a little bit but then started to rely totally on the person in front of me since the guide seemed to be so distant and I had not kept him close. I ended up getting too close to the person in front of me and started making the same mistakes as the person I was following. I began to get timid again and stumbling much more.

I realized I needed to stop following so close to the person in front of me so I backed off. I still struggled   since I had not worked to get closer to my guide. I found myself falling behind and soon was alone on the trail. There were hikers out of sight in front of me and hikers behind me which I could not see or hear. I started feeling alone. My mind was telling me I could stop and rest and get a drink. It would be OK. I seemed to be getting much more tired than I was before and I seemed to concentrate on my tired muscles and difficulty breathing. I then decided I did not want to be alone.  I waited for the hikers and got a drink of water while waiting. They soon caught up and I started hiking again. I did much better hiking with others supporting me and fellowshipping with fellow hikers. We continued on down the mountain. I continued to struggle though.  We soon caught up with the rest of the group who was waiting on us.  We took a quick water break and I took the opportunity to get back close to our guide.

We soon continued down the mountain and now I found renewed sense of confidence and strength now that I was back close to the guide and following in his footsteps. As long as I kept the guide close and followed in his footsteps I knew I would be fine.

Corporate Work That I Like

July 30, 2013

Last week I saw God work corporately.  A while back a colleague and friend asked me to paint a bible verse on her office wall.  Of course, I said, "Of course!"  She wasn't sure what verse to do though.  So I waited.  She had a lot of other things on her mind and I'm sure it wasn't a top priority for her.  So I waited.

A month or two ago, Isaiah 41:10 came up for me and I thought of her wall.  It came up again over a week ago and I mentioned it to her.  When she heard that it had come up twice for me for her, she agreed that was the verse to do. 

It just so happened that last Thursday I had a very light counseling schedule and she was out of the office to tend for her son who was receiving migraine treatment in the hospital.  So it presented as the perfect day to do the job.  Sherie helped by emptying the desk and helping me move it.  I painted the verse and we put it all back together again.

I was going to surprise her with the job done when she returned to work on Monday but Sherie said I should send her a pic because she might appreciate it on this day in the hospital.  So I did.

Boy did it hit home!  The time at the hospital had been so frustrating due to horrible planning by the doctor and reading that particular verse was comforting to her.

I call this a corporate effort by God because I believe He gave the verse to me to use.  However, after that I just focused on the art of it.  I lost sight of the meaning.  I don't know if Sherie's suggestion came from knowing that the actual verse would be comforting or if she just thought Cecily would like to see the finished product.  I'm not sure it matters. What does matter is that Cecily ultimately was comforted by God's word delivered to her in a way that only God can orchestrate.  That, in my book, is pretty cool.

Swimming in the Clear Blue Water

June 12, 2013

When we built the pool, my main requirement was for it to be large enough that people didn’t have to get out of the way for someone to dive in.  I didn’t want to have to yell, “Watch out!  I’m fixing to dive in!”  So the pool is big: half diving pool and half wading pool.  But, I remember well the day the builder and all the workers came to start building the pool.  They staked out the vertices and then took a can of spray paint and drew out the curves creating the outline of the pool on the ground.  It looked small.  Forty-four feet (the second largest pool in the neighborhood; the only bigger pool is the builder’s) looked small.  So I had all the workers, my builder, and Tim and I stand within the boundaries to try to get a better feel for it.  I looked at the builder and said, “I don’t know, I think it’s too small.”  His head jerked around and he looked at me like I was crazy.  So, on faith, I took Tim’s and the builder’s assurance that it was big enough and that it would look bigger once construction starts.

They were right.  It’s a big pool.  And I’m constantly reminded of it when I am swimming in those glorious 34,000 gallons of clear blue water.  It takes 34,000 gallons of water to fill that hole.  I started to realize that I didn’t know just how big that hole was until I started digging.  And, if I would have filled it with anything other than water it would not be a swimming pool.

As I dig into myself because I am always under construction, I often realize the hole is much bigger than I thought.  And that is OK.  It’s just part of the process of growing.  As I think about holes and repentance, I know I have to fill the hole in me with God.  Today, I read a quote (by Mark Cahill in “One Thing You Can’t Do In Heaven”) that the Hebrew word for “repent” literally means to “burn down the house and salt the field.”  A salted field is useless.  It cannot produce anything.  In other words, when you truly repent, there is nothing to return to.  When the pool was built, the dirt was removed from the ground and hauled off in dump trucks.  Once the hole was dug, we didn’t refill it with the same dirt.  We didn’t fill it with concrete .  We filled it with water.  We filled it with what it was designed to be filled with.  Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a swimming pool.

I’ve tried filling my hole with other things.  All that did is to take me further away from my original design.  So I am working to change and am learning to fill my hole with the living water.  I am loving swimming in the clear blue water.

“Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.  Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.”

~ Rev. 3:19-20

In My Place

June 6, 2013

I’ve been out of the office for over a week and a half.  We had a holiday weekend plus I taught a mini-mester class at DBU.  When I came back to the office, most people commented on my tan.  It’s my normal beginning of the summer tan and most people who have known me for longer than a couple years know I tan easily. 

It feels so good to be back in the pool.  Last summer, we hardly used to the pool.  Kelsey was so sick she couldn’t kick hard enough to keep her head above water.  Kelsey swims like a fish and dives beautifully.  But not last summer.  So, it just didn’t feel right for me to swim while she layed inside on the couch in pain.  Call it a bit of survivor’s guilt, or whatever, but it just felt so unfair for me to be in the pool and for Kelsey not to be able to.  Yes, she could lay on a float in the pool but that is like suggesting to a gymnast to be satisfied and have fun with just doing somersaults on the floor mat.

This is a new year!  Kelsey is doing so much better and she is enjoying the pool again.  Me too.  I’ve been spending more time swimming laps.  One mile is about thirty minutes of laps in my pool.  I’m up to twenty five minutes.  I’ve never done well in this kind of exercise because I get bored mentally and then the time crawls by so slowly that I always end up quitting.  This time is different, though.  I’m spending this time simply praying and praising God.  Taking my cue from the Psalms, I praise God by naming His qualities.

I habit I started without much conscious thought is to pray first and praise second.  It feels so right in that order for a couple of reasons.  First, this way I land on the positive.  While I fully acknowledge that petition prayers are a positive thing, I also know that, for me, they are largely the reminders of what aren’t great right now.  But to name God’s qualities and characteristics…wow … what a boost!  It reminds me who is in control and how I know He is in control.  It reminds me that God can and does handle my prayers.  It reminds me that He loves me and sees me.  It reminds me that I am important to God.  Praising God in this way keeps God in His place and me in mine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjmZ2v0niCI

 

Learning to be a Caged Bird

May 25, 2013

Last night, I sat and watched a recorded episode Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday with Maya Angelou (part 2).  I love listening to Maya speak because she speaks lyrically ( I love her word choices) and with such wisdom.  Within the last year, I finally read one of Maya’s books that has long been on my list of books to read, “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.”  It was not what I expected but interesting just the same. 

I read the book with great anticipation to understanding the title of the book.  I wanted to know why the caged bird sings.  But, me and poetry don’t get along.  Nine times out of ten (and I’m being generous) I don’t get the symbolism in poetry.  I remember in high school freshman English asking Ms. Clancy, “How do you know that poem isn’t really just about buildings in a cityscape?  Why does it have to have a deeper meaning?”  So, the caged bird reference was no different for me.

But last night, Oprah asked Maya, “Why does the caged bird sing?”  Yay!!  Maya answered, “Because it must.”  She went on to explain that the free bird sings of the things he does and can get but the caged bird sings his “fearful trill” for the freedom his heart longs for.  The free bird takes for granted his freedom and all the trappings that come with it but the caged bird sings his song so beautifully because it is his heart’s deepest longing.

As I continue to look back over the journey of Kelsey’s illness for the last three years, I recognize that in the times of the depths of my despair, I was standing on “the grave of dreams.”  But, unlike the caged bird, I didn’t open my “throat to sing.”  Instead, I resented losing some of the things that I so took for granted: health, freedom to do what you wanted and when, the gleam of life in my daughter’s eyes, and just plain ol’ normal life.  I think, I hope, that this is one of the areas that I have grown in my faith: to praise God all the time, especially when I have to rise above my circumstances to do it.

The caged bird sings because he must.  Because, the alternative is a pit of despair and loneliness.  Because, in his singing, he is free.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.