Gratitude in Spades - Europe Trip Blog 5/6/2017

May 6, 2017

For years I've dreamed of this trip in a way that I never really thought it possible. Then about a year or two ago we started thinking about it more seriously and 10 months ago we made a plan.  I say "we" but really it was all Angela, my oldest sister.  I would have no clue how to plan such a trip.  And, well, travel is a passion for her.  

In this moment, I am overcome with gratitude. Tears fill my eyes as I try to write what I'm feeling.  Seventeen days.  Seventeen days!  Rome, Florence, Munich, five days in Austria and Hitler's Eagles Nest, and then more days in Germany in towns that I can't pronounce, Rothenburg, and then Frankfurt and Kassel to see distant relatives and friends. 

Tim and I work hard for the money we have but I also am keenly aware that we are abundantly blessed in this area. On this trip, since we are traveling with Angela who gets all the travel perks, we are mixing it up with the Hoy Paloy in the Admiral's Club, in the limo airport transport, and sitting in the bulkhead seats. The last one especially gets me because one of my pet peeves is the person sitting in front of me reclining their seat into my claustrophobic space. I have so much leg room that I can barely reach the wall in front of me. I can stand comfortably in front of my seat!  It's the small things that seem the biggest sometimes. 

I'm grateful for jobs that afford us not just the ability to go but also the time away. I honestly expected a few complaints from clients about my 3 week absence but only one hinted at it. I am grateful to be able to turn off all my emails (work and CCT) and completely unplug from those stressors for a while. It's a time of refreshing that I sorely need. 

I'm grateful for the upturn in Kelsey's health, one that was verified by the doctor the day before we left. One of her co-infections is the lowest it's been in the seven years since this hellish medical journey began. Her immune system is working better now too since she got rid of those disgusting tonsils last January. She is feeling better and it feels ok to leave her. But leaving her is always hard. I've grown accustomed to her in my hip pocket (with he health issues there have been long periods of time when we couldn't leave her alone) and without her near I feel a bit unbalanced. Secondly, through the good times and hard, we have become really close.  So, leaving her for the next two and a half weeks is hard but it's a good thing and I know she is ok and in good hands with Aron and Noah.

I'm grateful for my rock solid son, Aron.  He is the calm in the storm, the level-headed thinker, the heart-of-gold man. He is as he always has been: my strong-willed sensitive boy. And, he makes me laugh like few others! 

I'm grateful that this ginormous plane really does fly, an engineering feat that still boggles my mind. I'm grateful for people being so genuinely happy and excited for us to go on this trip that they endured my constant references to it. I'm grateful for Tim's hobby of photography because his photos will last longer than my memories. I'm grateful for a husband, two sisters, and dear friends who love every part of me, even those yucky parts. I'm grateful for a joyous spirit who so easily slipped into our lives and became a daughter. 

I'm grateful most for a loving, faithful, hearing, sovereign, sacrificing, forgiving, providing Heavenly Father for I know I am blessed beyond measure. 

Trust: It's What Floats Your Boat

March 17, 2017

Pretend with me for a minute.  You are in the middle of a lake in a small wooden boat.  Across the stern of the boat, on that place where the name of the boat is placed, is the word “Trust.”  You look around the boat and all you have with you is an ax.  Now, think about your marriage or any significant relationship in your life.  Have you ever told a white lie?  You know, those little ones that you think have no real significant consequences.  The ones like “Yeah, I’m coming straight home” but then you stop at a couple stores first.  Or, “My phone died” when you decided to not answer it anymore.  Or even, “I’m fine” when you obviously aren’t.  With each one of these, pick up the ax and take a swing on the edge of the boat.

Have you ever told bigger lies?  “I’m just going out with the guys” or “I haven’t had that much to drink.”  Or hidden things like how much money you spent.  Or do you have secrets locked away behind private passwords on your computer, phone, or tablet?  Have you ever told someone that “you just need to forgive and forget” rather than simply standing by your loved one?  (Yes, we all need to forgive but it is not always safe to remain in some relationships.)  Take harder swings with that ax.  Each time. 

Have you ever called your spouse a name?  Even in the heat of an argument?  Have you ever threatened divorce?  Have you ever threatened her physical safety?  Or how about the bombshell lies like “He’s just a friend,” “It didn’t mean anything.”  Have you ever spoken lies over your partner such as “You are worthless” or “No one could love you”?  Have you ever blamed someone else for your own actions?  “It’s because of you that I get so angry and yell at you!”  “If you loved me more I wouldn’t have cheated.”  Pick up that ax and strike it square in the middle of the deck of the boat, over and over again.

Trust simply cannot survive such abuse.  In order to trust, we have to believe that the other person does not mean us any ill or harm.  We have to believe in the foundation of good will between us.  We have to believe that the other person means good for us, that the other person only wants God’s blessings on us.  We have to believe that the other person will protect us and have our backs at all times.  This is what builds and maintains trust.  This is what keeps the boat afloat.

Trusting God is the same thing.  Peter didn’t step out of the boat because it was sinking.  He stepped out because he wanted to be as close to Jesus as possible.  And, in that moment, the whole sea became his boat that kept him afloat.  He trusted that Jesus would protect him.  He trusted that Jesus only wanted the best for him.  He trusted Jesus meant him no harm.  It was only when he doubted these things, when he took his eyes off the true nature of Jesus, that he started to sink.

There are times when I certainly have had my trust issues with God.  Times when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to.  Times when healing didn’t come.  Times when I felt lead to do things I didn’t want to do.  Times when I have to let go.  I told someone the other day that I know God has a plan and that He is in control but it may not turn out the way I want it to.  Trust is also surrendering my will to God’s.  The struggle for me is all too real sometimes.  I know what I know but I also know what I feel.  And when trust is low that feeling is always fear, with a capital F-E-A-R.

So then, I have to return to what I know.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” (2 Tim. 1:7)

“No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

“Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him.” (Eph. 1:4)

Beloved, let us The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”(1 John 4:8)

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting.”(Ps. 136:1)

Do you believe that God is all love?  Do you believe that God is all good?  Do you believe that God only has love and goodness in His heart for you?  If so, then step out of the small boat, keep your eyes firmly on Him, and see how He will keep you afloat.

“Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_aVFVveJNs