Being A Stiff-Necked Israelite

July 5, 2012

As I was stepping into the shower this morning, I was asking God about what I should write about today.  I’ve been a bit stuck this week.  I developed a kink in my neck last night, and as I was waiting for the water to warm up before I stepped in, I was praying and stretching my neck to try to relieve the tightness.  As I looked up, I saw the verse I had painted, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Ps. 110:105).  A consistent part of my prayers, usually at the end, is “Shine your light brightly before me so that I may more easily walk in your ways.”  It comes from that verse in Psalms.  One of the ways that God speaks to us is through his Word.  A Bible verse will just pop out when you open your Bible, or a verse will consistently come to mind throughout a week, or a verse will come to mind when trying to make a decision.  That verse, whatever it is, is the answer.

The verse that has come up several times this week is Jer. 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?”  I used it a couple of times in counseling sessions this week as a pattern of living according to what they feel was revealed.  Phrases such as “If it feels good, do it,” “it felt right!” and “follow your heart” bombard us all too often.  The heart is the source of feelings.  Jeremiah clearly tells us that we can’t trust the heart.  The heart is deceitful, sick, and beyond help.

Next Tuesday is an appointment for which we have waited a couple of months.  This doctor is a neuromuscular specialist.  I am excited to finally get her to see Kelsey.  But, as the time nears, I find myself increasingly nervous.  We’ve been largely unsuccessful in figuring out what is going on with Kelsey that I feel I am losing hope at times.  Or, perhaps it is more accurate to say that I feel like I shouldn’t get my hopes up.  Inherent in these thoughts is the realization that we are running out of doctors here in the metroplex.  There is one more possibility after this one.  But, then what?  Mayo clinic?  I feel more and more anxious so I have every right to be anxious.  Right?

Should I really base whether or not to have hope based on how well previous doctors have done to help Kelsey?  That’s a sandy foundation.  Should I really go into this appointment with anxiety that may well temper my mood in a way that is unproductive in working with this doctor?  That is trusting a deceitful heart.  Do I really know the future and who and where the best doctor will be for my daughter?  I am not God.  I can't live according to what I am feeling.

So, in the midst of my growing nervousness that is based on what I am feeling and thinking, I get a kink in my neck that makes me look up.  Oh those stiff-necked Israelites!  I hope I am a faster learner than they were.