Kamped Up

June 28, 2012

Last week was church camp.  As I sit and reflect on that week, my mind goes in a million different directions.  Our camp is planned and staffed by parents and church members.  It always strikes me how much our youth group loves camp and part of that is loving having parents there.  I’ll never forget my sister, Angela, being astonished that the kids enjoy this aspect of camp saying, “When I was that age, I would never have wanted my parents (or other adults I knew) there!”  Maybe it is that when we are there, we aren’t their parents like we are all the other days of their lives.  Maybe it is as Kelsey said, “We don’t know any different.”  This is the way camp has always been for them.  Or maybe it is that we are actually a lot of fun to be around.  It’s probably a combination of all three.  One thing is for sure, Darren, one of the parents who is always at teen camp, didn’t go this year and he was sorely missed by the campers.

In response to the question, “Why do you go to camp?” Alan once said, “I go to camp to help the youth grow closer to God.  But, it always ends up working on me.”  That is exactly why I go to camp every year.  There is no other week of the year in which I am so continually drawn back to a focus on God.  It recharges my batteries, even in the midst of physical and sometimes emotional draining.  Singing has and always will be such a spiritual boost for me and every year I so look forward to hearing 100 voices singing God’s praises.  And then to add four part harmonies and rounds to the songs, well that is just the icing on the cake.  Evening worship in the mess hall and the singing at the lakeside fill my soul, often to a point of tears of joy.

I love watching the kids grow, not only closer to each other, but to God.  I think these two things are dependent on each other.  For example, God’s love shines through one camper who invites another camper who had been isolating himself to sit by her during lunch.  God’s love shines through hearing all the boys during swim time last year cheering on another camper who was trying so hard to learn to swim.  God’s love shines through when I see one camper console another through grief or a trying time.  God’s love shines through when I see campers give Kelsey piggy back rides around camp because it hurts her legs to walk much.  I could go on and on but the point is, if you haven’t gotten it already, is that God works through people to tend to each other.  As you get closer to God, you can’t help but be used by Him.

As I reflect on this year’s camp specifically, my first thought is consistently, “This year was the most FUN.”  The memories I have first are of laughter, both my own and others, dancing, ping pong, losing in volleyball (the staff lost to the campers for the first time in about 12 years!), and skit night.  I managed to mortify both of my kids and make 100 people really laugh all within the same five seconds.  JOY!  J  The girls’ counselor skit and Father Father were hilarious!  It was also a week in which my sisters in Christ ministered to me.  Through them, I felt God’s loving presence and His arms wrapped tightly around me.

In the days since camp, I’ve wondered if I missed something since the fun aspect has outweighed the spiritual aspect.  In the end, I think God knew what I needed.  With the stressors currently in my life, I needed a release.  I needed FUN.  God provided that for me, even before I fully knew that it was what I needed so badly.

For your listening enjoyment, I tried to attach a couple of audio files of the kids singing last year.  But I couldn't figure out how to do audio files instead of video files.  So, instead I've attached the video of Zoegroup singing Magnificat.  Just try to imagine hearing it with 100 voices in an enclosed mess hall with great accoustics.

Patience Starts with Pee

Audra:  “I haven’t written my blog yet this week.”

Kelsey:  “Why not?” 

Audra:  “Can’t decide what to write on.” 

Kelsey: “You should write on patience.” 

Audra:  “I’m not too good at patience.”  (thinking it would be a really short blog)  “What are you impatient for?”

Kelsey:  “Everything.  For camp to get here.  For the cruise to get here.  For a diagnosis.  For pain medicine.  For treatment.” 

This conversation happened when I got home from work late Thursday night around 9:00.  I found Kelsey lying in her bed just listening to music and texting.  She was hurting.  I know it sounds awful to hear this at first because it means she is either in a low place or in a hurting place, but I’ve come to love finding her in her bed.  I crawl in bed beside her, snuggle with her, and we talk.  I never really did this before she got sick.  I tear up at the thought of how many times I’ve missed doing this before she got sick.  I missed opportunities because I took them for granted.  But I am so thankful to have them now.  It’s one of the blessings in all of this. 

I am impatient too.  I am impatient for all the same things Kelsey is.  And I am impatient to hear from God.  Don’t get me wrong, I hear Him often every day.  I feel His leading, I see His good works, I see the things He puts before me, I hear Him in my head in sometimes just a word and other times a whole idea.  But in the area where I most want to hear Him, in health matters concerning Kelsey and in the dreaded question that often looms largely over my head and heart (Do we move or not?), I am not hearing Him.  If I somehow got a message from God that we need to go with this doctor or that, or if I got a sign that we are on the right track and just need to stay the course, or if I got some insight or a bit of wisdom that would somehow lead us to a diagnosis, I would feel so much better! 

How long do we have to wait?  Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.”  Why can’t it say, “Be still for one week and know that I am God.”?  How long must we be still?  In my counseling, I teach people all the time that in arguments, it is best to take a break when things get overly emotional, especially when anger is involved.  Remove yourself from the situation, go away and pray and cool off, and then come back to hopefully find a resolution when cooler heads prevail.  It’s ok to say, “I need to take a walk and cool off.”  It is vitally important, though, to include what I call the “back end promise” of “I’ll be back in 15 minutes.”  With that promise of time, the other person will know that this conflict will not go unresolved.  It won’t be swept under the rug.  It won’t be ignored. 

I miss the back end promise in Ps. 46:10.  I know that God sees me.  I know that He loves me.  I know that He is ever with me.  I understand that that is the promise.  But I am human and I want a timeframe.  And so I wait.  Patience feels forced upon me.  I have no other choice. 

So while I sit and wait and be patient, I take the opportunities given to me to lay with Kelsey in her small little twin bed.  Sometimes, we are discovered by others.  Sophie usually bounces all around us looking for her spot to lay or sit.  Or Tim will try to squeeze in somewhere, which then leaves Aron to lie on top.  I’m not kidding.  I love those times with Kelsey, not only because we get closer in them but we usually end up laughing. 

Audra: “Kelsey, you have to get up so I can get out.  I have to pee.” 

Kelsey: “OK.”  She starts to get up and then moves to sit square in the middle of my bladder.  Laughing so hard that her laughter is actually silent, she moves and bounces on me again. 

A golden moment while being patient.

Wave of Peacefulness

June 6, 2012

I, and six other sisters from church, started a Bible study just three short weeks ago and it has already blessed me more that I could imagine.  We are using a book by Priscilla Shirer titled “Discerning the Voice of God.”  Could there be a more perfect study for me right now?

The other day as I was listening to an audio CD on my way to work, an interesting question was put forth: What language does God speak?  My first thought was English.  The author said he asked the questions to Jews in Jerusalem and they all emphatically answered, “Hebrew.”  But then you have to go back to the question and more carefully examine one part of it – the word “language.”  At its most basic, language is simply a communication system.  That includes verbal words and all the non-verbals such as body language, use of time, and facial expressions to name just a few.  But God is outside of that system.  He has ways of communicating to us that aren’t bound by those parameters.  He can put an idea or thought in our heads, He can give us a sense of the need to do something, He can prompt a scripture in our minds, He can give us visions, and so much more.  So, as I learn to discern God’s voice, I find myself reflecting often on previous times when I have heard Him speak to me.

On Sunday, Feb. 27, 2000, a young friend of mine ran away from her home in New York.  I knew she did it with the intent of either killing herself or putting herself in a position to where harm would come to her.  I was so scared for her that that whole week I prayed more and "harder" than I ever have.  Just about every waking thought was about her in prayer.  She was gone all week without a word from her.  On Friday afternoon (Mar. 4) the kids and I were driving to Austin for a weekend stay with my parents.  The kids had both fallen asleep and I was listening to a worship CD and praying for her.  Suddenly, as I was driving, I felt a wave of tingles go through my entire body.  It started at the top of my head and went all the way down to my toes.  I remember it caught me so off guard that I thought "What on earth was that!!??"  After that initial thought, I realized that I felt totally at peace about Jessica.  I knew without a doubt that she was now OK.  As bizarre as it sounds, I even tried to worry about her and I couldn't.  Such peace I felt!  I knew then that the Holy Spirit had given me two gifts: one of a physical sensation that is unlike any other I have ever felt, and one of peace to let me know that He had taken care of Jessica.

I spent the weekend with my parents and had a wonderful time with the assurance I felt.  We came home Sunday.  That night, I got a message from her that said she was OK and that Friday afternoon she had gone to the police to get help.  I asked her exactly what time she went there and it was the same time I had that feeling!  God had answered my prayers and let me know that He had.Tuesday, I went up to the church building to talk to our preacher, Steve, about this.  Frankly, I was a little freaked out.  I popped into his office unannounced as I usually do.  I sat down and told him my experience from the last Friday.  I was half afraid that he would sit there and say, "Wellll, I dunno....." or something of that nature that said "you are crazy."  But he didn't.  After I finished the story, he grabbed a sheet of paper off the top of the pile of papers on his desk and said, "Read this, I was just looking at it before you came in."  It was a copy of a newspaper article about a man who had a grandson in critical condition in the hospital.  He told of how he prayed all night long for his grandson's healing and that very early in the morning, he felt a "wave of peacefulness" come over him and he knew his grandson would be healed.  Sure enough, come morning the boy was awake and doing much better to the amazement of the doctors!

Steve said something to the effect of "that is what you had....a wave of peacefulness."  And it was.  It was not a coincidence or a fluke that I felt those tingles.  It was not a coincidence that after I felt them, I was at peace.  It was not a coincidence that I felt that "wave" at the same time that Jessica had gotten help.  It was not a coincidence that when I dropped into Steve's office unannounced that he had just been reading that article.  God is in control.

So, in returning to my original question, “What language does God speak?”  Whatever language that He deems you can hear.  He speaks to us in His language and in such a way that we will hear Him and know Him.  Our job is to listen and then obey.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

~ John 10:27